The first night is probably the most important night in of a couple’s marital life. First impressions last. If not done correctly, there can be long-lasting negative impacts on the marriage. The best place is at their new house or that of a relative/friend. Nowadays, many people go for honeymoons to exotic 5-star hotels. These places are normally places of physical and spiritual impurity. Alcohol is normally served in such places. The marriage life should not commence in such an evil environment. In an ideal Islamic situation, the spouses will not know one another from before. Obviously, the wife will be shy. It is of utmost importance for the husband to treat her with compassion and tenderness.
1) The bridegroom after meeting his wife should make salaam and then he should place his hand on the fore-head (by the forelocks) of the bride, take the name of Allaah and make duaa of barakah (blessings) for the bride. Nabi (SAW) had said,
“When any of you get married, then he should place his hands on the forehead, take the name of Allaah, and make duaa for goodness by saying,
The woman can also recite the duaa, with a slight change in the pronoun.
2) The bride and bridegroom should perform some rakats of nafl (optional) salaah, and then make duaa of goodness and blessings. (Abu Nuaym in Hilyah).
The following is one of the duaas that can be recited. Abu Wail (RA) narrates that a man came to Abdullah ibn Masood RA from Bajilah and said, “I am marrying a virgin girl, and I fear that she may dislike me, so Abdullah mentioned, “Love is from Allaah, and dislike is [caused] from Shaytan so he may make unattractive what Allaah has made permissible for a person. When she enters, command her to perform two rak’ats behind you.’
A'mash RA said, I mentioned this to Ibrahim (Nakha'i) RA, so he said, ‘Abdullah ibn Mas’ud RA also said, “and say [in duaa after the salaah],
Some Islamic literature can also be read. It will be best if something is read about the purpose of marriage, intentions of marriage, and the importance of fulfilling one another’s rights.
3) After salaah and duaa, the couple should get to know one another each more closely and assess one another’s feelings by initiating a light-hearted discussion.
A husband could also offer his wife something to drink as is found in the hadith narrated by Asmaa’ bint Yazid ibn As-Sakan who said, “I beautified ‘A’ishah for Allaah’s Messenger, then called him to come to see her unveiled. He came, sat next to her, and brought a large cup of milk from which he drank. Then, he offered it to A’ishah, but she lowered her head and felt shy. I scolded her and said to her: “Take from the hand of the Messenger.” She then took it and drank some. Then, Rasulullaah SAW said to her, “Give some to your companion.” At that point, I said: “O Messenger of Allaah, rather take it yourself and drink, and then give it to me from your hand.” He took it, drank some, and then offered it to me. I sat down and put it on my knees. Then, I began rotating it and following it with my lips in order that I might hit the spot from which Rasulullaah had drunk.” [Musnad Ahmad]
Without doubt, this is a beautiful way of removing her fear and a cause of strengthening the bond of love and affection between the two. A famous saying is that a kind of fear comes with every oncoming person, and fear overcomes every strange person.
4) It is important to note that engaging in sexual relations on the first night is not necessary.
The husband should not hasten in taking his wife’s virginity, but rather he should approach the matter with extreme calmness, even if it takes a few days. The newly married couple have all their lives before them for sexual relations, and there is no need to make haste in this regard. Much of the time during the first night should be spent in getting to know one another, sharing each other’s outlook on life and how their marital life should be lived in accordance with Islamic teachings. They may, however, begin to be intimate with one another, if they feel comfortable.”
If one does engage in sexual intercourse, then the husband needs to be extremely gentle during penetration. Natural and external lubrication is important. Be patient and give the bride some time before penetration.
A virgin undergoes considerable anxiety and pain during sex, and the husband must keep this in mind. Women are much shyer than men. A husband should not expect his wife to respond fully to his sexual advances on the first night. Gentleness, patience and a loving attitude are key to helping reduce pain.
5) It is completely forbidden for the husband or wife to discuss their private matters and sexual relations with anyone, in words or by indication.
Nabi SAW has said, “On the day of Judgment, the lowest person in status in the sight of Allaah SWT will be a person who had sexual relations with his wife, and then mentioned those matters to others.” (Muslim) Early the next morning after Salmaan Farsi RA was married, his friends came to him asking, "How did you find your wife?" When he ignored them, they repeated the question. Again he ignored them but again they repeated themselves. When they repeated the question a third time, he ignored them yet again but then finally said, "Allaah has made drapes, curtains and doors to conceal what lies behind them. It is sufficient to ask about things that are apparent but one should never ask about things that are hidden. I heard Rasulullaah SAW say that those persons who narrate such (private) things are like donkeys having intercourse on the street."(Abu Nuaym in Hilyah)
6) Turn off your cell phone
7) For women, the hymen may or may not bleed during intercourse.
Not bleeding is not a sign that one is not a virgin. One should not have unnecessary doubts.